Photo Story

 Portrait of a Young Alcoholic

Katarina "Kat" Patterson, 24, moved to the small town of Albany, Oregon from Sacramento, California after the death of her mother at age six. Along with her father and older sister they tried to start fresh in a smaller, quieter city close to family. However, a family still fractured by grief and the generational curse of addiction soon took hold over her remaining parent, and their deterioration subsequently led Kat into a life of substance use, homelessness, abuse, and crime from a young age and for survival. After years of turmoil, Katarina was sick of the chaos and forged a new path. However, alcohol still has found  As she tries to move past her trauma, Katarina is allowing a glimpse into the life of a 24 year old in the grips of alcoholism in a town not known for a lot of success stories. This is her story over the course of multiple days in November of this year. 

Katarina Patterson, 24, chugs a beer in the basement of her boyfriend's house on November 25. Today is her day off from her job as a cashier at a local grocery store. When asked why she still drinks instead of using any other substance, she responded: "It just does the trick. Do I wanna feel? No? Okay then, here's a beer. Do I wanna not have to worry about going to jail? Probably, so I just chill down here and don't drive. Plus it's legal, so I'm not gonna be charged with a possession if I just stay down here. I just work and survive. Just like anyone else pretty much."                                                                                                                                                            

    Also on her days off, Kat studies her GED prep book and gets ready to further her education. She says one beer while she's studying calms her nerves and helps her relax. "I retain information better when I know I've got a beer and don't have to worry about getting the shakes or the restless legs. I really like learning and I don't wanna work in some shithole forever. I got dreams too. Just a problem getting in the way of those dreams," states Kat. Kat continued to maintain a 4.0 average until high school, where her first boyfriend who was 17 at the time introduced her to the partying lifestyle. She says she just got "swept up, and fucked off the rest of my school opportunities. I didn't see the importance at the time."

Patterson takes a snooze while playing an older Playstation 2 video game at her residence around 8:30PM on November 25. Before her slumber, Patterson described how bleak it is for youth affected by addiction: "There's a whole generation of kids being lost to it. I feel lost in it. All these kids are out here hurting and as connected as we are  with the internet we are lonelier than ever. No one knows how to talk anymore. We just shoot a text saying "are you ok?" and hope they just say yes so we can go back to whatever we're doing. It's sick. You can't go to a store or watch a TV show without an ad for a beer telling you how cool you're gonna be if you just drink this. It's never gonna stop." According to the Center for Disease Control's statistics on alcohol consumption in the United States, approximately 95,000 deaths are attributed to alcohol each year. 1 in 10 deaths for 20-64 year old's of any race, socioeconomic status, gender, or sexuality can be traced back to alcohol consumption.

Patterson wakes up after crashing early from a night of drinking on November 26. She sits and stares at the wall for a while trying to "catch her bearings." "It gets a little spinny when I wake up sometimes." She takes a few chugs off a warm, unfinished beer on the night stand. Help for anyone, let alone youth affected by alcoholism (especially during a national pandemic) is scarce. Alcoholic Anonymous meetings run every day in Albany but most treatment is reserved for those caught up in the legal system, and detoxing from alcohol is what many describe as the most difficult first step in getting clean. It is also the deadliest part of getting sober. Alcohol withdrawals can actually be deadly without medical intervention,  and of the approximately 5400 detox beds in the state of Oregon are filled up 85% of the time by people withdrawing from opiates. Detox is first come first serve, and many addicts find it safer to keep drinking and stay well than try and quit on their own. 

Patterson leaving a store after scrounging up enough money to get a couple of beers. She says two "tallboys" as they're called (40 oz. cans) will last her a couple of hours. Most cheap beers sell for about $2.00-$5.00 per can. The walk home was bumpy, quick, and hurried. Signs of withdrawal include runny nose, sore muscles, shakes, restless legs, and depression. "My life seems like one big circle. Or loop. I go to work. Work all day, come home, grab a beer, drink that up, wait for my boyfriend to come home, drink a beer together, study for school, take my tests, drink a beer, find something to do until we fall asleep. Wake up. Repeat. There's more to life, I know there is. There just has to be. I can't keep doing this or I'm gonna die. I know it. People die everyday so why do I get to be so lucky and do this while others are out there starving? I'm sick of the same shit over and over. My mom didn't die for me to be nothing. I know there's more out there," Patterson states on the walk home. 

     The day of a functioning, young, binge drinker/alcoholic is not a rather exciting existence. It is day in and day out of struggling to survive, struggling to stay well, and struggling to stay afloat. For Katarina Patterson, she knows statistics are bleak but she's ready for change. She's had 3 years of sobriety at one point and knows it's attainable again, despite all the bleak statistics for young drinkers in this country. After finishing her GED she plans to attend LBCC (Linn Benton Community College) to become a veterinary technician. She knows she has to quit drinking in order to be the best student she can be. "I wouldn't have made it this far I don't think if there wasn't a light at the end of the tunnel. It's so easy to get trapped in the same mundane way of life that this seems like fun at first. It's all fun and games until it isn't. Then it hits you: You're just like everyone else, you're living on time that's borrowed, and you gotta decide if you want to go through life and remember it or not. It might not be today or tomorrow, but alcohol one day isn't gonna be a constant in my life. I'm gonna break free."